It's Keenan's Birthday

"Come as you are." The Gospel According to Keenan

Every parent should have a child who stretches them. Some days I have 4, some days just one or some combination. And I say this with much gratitude and thanksgiving. (Maybe not in the moment of the stretching . . . ) Any parent who is an honest person will know that some children are a balm to your soul, some a test of wills, some a constant test, some a barrel of monkeys and as my little neighbor today taught me "a fancy Nancy." And each one has days/moments/years of being all of the above for their parents.

But all of our children can stretch us. And Keenan seemed to be the one who seemed to stretch me most--not of her making always.

She was our first. As one of my friends used to say, "the first child should be a practice child." We were always learning with her and from her! As I used to tell her, "please know that we did our very best effort with you. It may have been totally misguided, but it was our best shot. We gave it 100% in whatever we were doing with you."

Sometimes it was of her making--the days she refused to change out of the striped t-shirt dress, the times she wanted to wear the same t-shirt to school, the flip flops. Ed used to say that when we argued, we looked alike in our stance and body language. And as time wore on, it was curfews, homework, and cars (the usual teenage junk and really not so bad looking back!).

But those things seem silly in light of the good stretching that she has done for me.

1. Well, let's get the most obvious one out of the way--she is a physical therapist for Pete's sake. She has listened to me tell her all of my little quirks and complaints. She has given me exercises to do to strengthen my ankle and legs and patiently helped me sit in a chair and get up. She is so darn good at her job . . . I am amazed by her knowledge and ability to teach me!

2. And that is another one . . . she is an incredible teacher! She makes hard things make so much good sense. She gave her heart and soul (and almost lost both) to those kids at Drew Freeman Middle School outside of DC every day for two years. I visited once and wanted to run screaming out of the room! Her way of explaining things always makes such good sense. She has such a heart for people who need that extra love and heart. I want to be like her when I see her love those who need love.

3. Max . . . if you knew Max, you would understand. She made me see that no one is unlovable--even if he snarls, growls and has no teeth. How could I not get it? He was "rescued" (we laugh about who rescued who?), but Keenan did take him on and gave him a great life. I've still got a lot to learn about that one.

4. She's a killer athlete. I spent all of her middle and high school years trying to be a sporty mom--switching from soccer and tennis in the fall to basketball in the winter and softball in the spring. I never found my friend group, but I hope by the end of it all I didn't embarrass myself or her too much. She is a fierce competitor (sometimes a little more than necessary, I thought) and hustled like no one I have ever seen. You will never find a better team player. And she hustled, encouraged and pushed her 50plus year old mother across the finish line of a half marathon twice! We've hiked many miles together in some of the most beautiful parts of this country, and I think she loves those places almost as much as I do even though she could hike laps around me! Talk about stretching!

5. She is a deep thinker, and I love hearing that mind of hers working on issues of social justice, world issues and religion. The quote at the top of this page is one of her famous quotes used when arguing about church clothes on a Sunday morning. She swore Jesus said that in the Bible. Maybe not those words, Keenan, but that sentiment over and over. I'm glad you tried to teach me that. We share a Kindle account, and she usually gets to the books I choose before I do and has some great insight that I missed. And now she has her own Book Club to stretch and grow with!

6. She was with me when my mom died. She was in a place neither of us had been experiencing something hard and scary. But she sat at the foot of my mom's bed watching and waiting with us. We were together in that moment "when breath becomes air," and I will never forget her presence watching over me and over my sweet mom. It was a precious time, and I am forever grateful she was there with us. Her calm presence made it more bearable.

7. There are places she has taken me, experiences we've shared, people she has introduced me to and friends she has made that were all new to me. Opened my eyes and my heart. Forced me to think hard about what it was I really believed and wanted to live. Challenged me to stretch my mind to include new ways of looking at the world. Not all of it has been easy for either of us, but I would not change one single second of it all. My life is richer, my heart bigger and her example has shown me the way all the way through. We've had our moments of anger, tears and silence, but never, never have we given up on each other. And never will we.

I want to stretch and bend and change as much as I need to still be a part of the big, bright and promising world she inhabits. And I promise to "come as I am." For you today, Keenan, I am GRATEFUL. The last 31 years having you in my life have been the best!